Friday, May 15, 2009

I'm a Cougar and I'm Not Even Good at It

So I'm 42 years old and I've spent the last five years hanging out with--and occasionally making out with--a man who just turned thirty. When we met, he was three years out of college and I was 37 and his boss; I'm the mother of a teenager who was born while he was still in high school.

And that's FINE, right? I mean, men have been doing it for generations. Why shouldn't a middle-aged woman who's worked hard for what she's achieved in life and gives so much to her family enjoy a little uncomplicated sex with a hot young man? Can't think of a reason in the world, can you? ME NEITHER.

Thing is, I got a few of the details wrong.For starters, this non-relationship was the most complicated relationship of my life (and I include in that comparison a man who wanted to take personality tests to determine why we weren't compatible after three months of dating, a man who asked out my sixteen year old sister after I turned him down in law school, two men who were roommates when I "dated" them, and one who tried to kill me). Okay, so maybe the whole "free and easy" thing wasn't exactly flowing for us, but at least he was young and...Well.

The truth is that I managed to find one of those rare men who had a seriously receding hairline by his mid-twenties. By thirty, he was nearly bald on the top of his head, and when we went out together I frequently got carded, but he never did.But looks aren't everything. Really, I think the whole older woman/younger man thing is more about virility than it is looks. I mean, "everyone knows" that women peak a lot later than men and that it takes a healthy young man to keep up with a middle-aged woman, right? It's just a biological fact.

I think.

I can't actually say for sure, since I somehow stumbled upon the last man in America who is saving himself for marriage. Five years. No sex. Very little hair. Lots of complications.

Somehow, it looks very different in the movies.